The teen years are tough, no matter what. Teens' bodies and minds are changing rapidly, and they’re looking for social acceptance at a time in their lives when social interactions are more complex than ever. They’re trying to be independent while still needing parental support. They’re trying to understand themselves while they’re still growing and evolving. And they’re looking at an increasingly uncertain future, trying to figure out where they fit in.
That’s a lot at any age, let alone while you’re still a child!
When you add in the emotional and social pressures LGBTQ+ teens face today, it’s a perfect storm. Compare to their hetero peers, LGBTQ+ teens are twice as likely to be bullied, three times as likely to consider suicide, twice as likely to feel hopeless, twice as likely to be assaulted, more likely to be unhoused (from family kicking them out), and twice as likely to try to cope by using illicit drugs..
It’s not all bad news for LGBTQ+ teens, especially if they have support at home, at school, from friends, and in therapy. There are “protective factors” that help keep LGBTQ+ kids safe from the added social pressures of rejection and harassment, including:
The teen years already include higher risk for mental health issues like anxiety and depression. And the chronic stress, fear of rejection, and discrimination LGBTQ+ teens face add to that risk.
Understanding what LGBTQ+ teens are facing on a regular basis can help you better understand why they might face more mental health challenges. It also gives you, your teen, and their support system some starting places for reducing stigma and increasing their safety to explore and express their identity.
Unfortunately, for all the progress we’ve made as a society, LGBTQ+ teens are still more likely to be bullied at school, among their peers, and even at home. They are more likely to be physically assaulted, harassed in person and online, and rejected by friends, teachers, family members, and the general public.
LGBTQ+ teens also face smaller, hurtful social interactions all the time. These can build up over time into “minority stress,” which can have a big impact on their mental health. Constantly navigating prejudice and feeling “different” can lead to chronic emotional strain. Being misgendered or misnamed, being teased or ignored, and being left out of plans can leave your teen feeling unsafe and like they are the problem (even though they aren’t!).
Teens are all trying to understand who they are. For an LGBTQ+ teen who may lack examples or words for their inner experience, questioning their identity can feel confusing and overwhelming. They may need space to try out identities, pronouns, or self-expression, but they might be terrified of being judged or rejected, leaving them stressed and uncertain.
Also, depending on your teen’s beliefs and experiences, they may have a lot of internalized stigma to work through before they can be themselves. This can lead to shame, stress, identity rejection, and strong negative self-beliefs, especially if they don’t get the chance to unpack this stigma.
It’s not always obvious whether your LGBTQ+ teen is going through normal adolescent growing pains or if they’re dealing with something more serious. So, it’s important to pay attention to changes in their behavior. Occasional slammed doors, sullen moods, and rebellious, impulsive behaviors (like piercing their own ears or staying out past curfew) are fairly normal teen experiences.
Longer-term mental health symptoms that impact your teen’s quality of life are different. They are a sign your teen may need more than just a conversation about what’s going on.
Support for your teen starts at home. With some self-education and extra attention, you can create a home where your teen can grow, evolve, and understand themselves without fear.
It is important to note that you can keep your teen safe even if you don’t entirely understand who they are or what they’re going through. Letting them be themselves, offering validation, and loving them unconditionally is key!
Use affirming language; embrace self-expression in clothing, hair, and makeup; and respect your teen’s chosen name or pronouns, even if these change over time. By doing these things, you show your teen they’re worth knowing and understanding. You tell your teen they’re safe.
If you slip up, don’t make a big deal out of it. Correct yourself and keep the conversation going (constant apologies and explanations are emotionally exhausting for everyone, especially your teen). Correct others in your home if they don’t use the right names or pronouns. Make it clear you believe in your teen, you love them, and you’re ready to hear and respect who they are.
Doing a little extra homework yourself to understand LGBTQ+ terminology and read about LGBTQ+ experiences can help you relate better to your teen. What you learn can become dinnertime conversation and may help your teen open up more. Also consider becoming involved in the community, finding LGBTQ+ meetups near you. You may want to look up Chicago Pride events and take the whole family. Show your LGBTQ+ teen they’re not alone!
As you learn, you may uncover your own misconceptions or biases. When you notice you’re uncomfortable, approach that feeling with curiosity and see if you can work through it. The more you’re willing to grow, the more you can help your teen!
Parents can also help their LGBTQ+ teens by:
You can connect your teen to affirming care (try searching “affirming LGBTQ+ teen therapists near me) that respects their identity and supports them. Affirming therapy with an experienced counselor can make a huge difference for an LGBTQ+ teen. The right therapist can provide:
Teen therapy can also be a place for your LGBTQ+ teen to practice coping skills and expand emotional resilience. They can learn to assert and express themselves, and expand their ability to show themselves self-acceptance and self-compassion, even in the toughest experiences.
At Pure Health, we feel that the teen years are an important time for self-discovery, identity formation, and social development. We want to help all teens to thrive, and we are especially invested in supporting LGBTQ+ teens as they navigate an uncertain world, an evolving identity, and the stressful, potentially hostile experiences they may face. We don’t want them to face it alone! Our Chicago teen-centered therapists prioritize:
If your teen could use more support, we welcome you to connect with us. We’re here to answer your questions and support your teen on their journey to understanding themselves!
